emotion.
when i was 10, i had this girlfriend. i don’t remember her name. but i remember that i liked her. alot. and she liked me. we were boyfriend and girlfriend. except…i never once spoke a single word to her. we never talked. i take that back. we talked once. but we never kissed. i never even held her hand. but she was my girlfriend. and i was invincible. untouchable. she was my beauty, my love, and i was a 10 yr old prince charming. her knight in shining armor. infidels? let me at ‘em! beasts of the field? i got this. villains? feared me. i was in love, and nothing could get in the way of me and my girl.
except…
…her boyfriend. which i didn’t know she had.
i was devestated. hurt. angry. my knight’s armor was in a moment stripped, my sword taken away, and i was left…bare and all alone.
emotion. what makes someone so…passionate? or so hurt? so angry? so fearful? so shameful? so joyful?
lately, i’ve been starting to become fascinated with emotion. and curious as to what the function and role of emotion is.
and i have a theory.
i have this friend. to put it lightly, he’s passionate. at everything he does. if he’s angry, he’s ready to fight. if he’s joyful, he’s already dancing. if he’s hurt…you get the picture. he is well known amongst the emotion gods. they call him by his first name. they’ve even asked him to lecture at their ‘the emotion gods conference.’ and each time, he receives a standing ovation. awards. medals. honors. the emotion gods adore my friend.
every emotion, my friend is familiar with. he is a well-known traveler amongst the realm of emotion.
my friend feels. and my friend connects.
i also have this professor. or did have this professor back in college. he, on the other hand, was unfamiliar with ‘the emotion gods conference.’ “professor who?” the gods would ask. he was never asked to speak at ‘the emotion gods conference.’ he is not adorned with medals. he has no honors or awards.
have you ever met or talked to someone who, no matter what you say, there was no expression? you laugh…and you receive a blank look. you try to provoke…they sit there. still. emotionless. you wonder if anything got to them even in the slightest. if anything could make them…feel. feel anything. joy, hurt, anger, guilt, surprise, disgust.
there are some who are expressionless, as though they cannot feel. nor do they connect. and you wonder if it is at all possible for them to connect. then, there are those like my friend who do feel. and they do connect. quite well.
in counseling we are told that the greatest element towards a person’s healing and wholeness is the relationship between the counselor and the client. beyond any skill. beyond any mode of therapy or form of treatment, it’s the client/counselor relationship. and it makes sense. as i sit amongst my classmates, these future counselors – ones who by nature feel and connect and know how to build relationships, the reason they got accepted into the program - i get the opportunity to experience firsthand what it means to be in relationship with people who know how to connect and know how to connect very well. if ever i have a problem, big or small, these are the ones i want to turn to. all life’s problems seem small in those moments. the world doesn’t feel so big. my enemies seem to be nonexistent. and the pressures of life’s demands seem irrelevant when i am with my class. they make you feel safe. secure. confident. even untouchable. and it is all because of their connection with you.
and that’s when it hit me. emotion. emotion is all about connection. it’s alm0st as if God designed us in such a way that by feeling, by feeling emotion, that is how we connect. when i am angry, i am connected, attached to something i fear is in danger or has been hurt. when i am hurt, i am connected, attached to something or someone, even myself, i fear has been a victim of injustice. when i feel guilty or unashamed or lonely, i feel unattached. and when i am joyful, i am connected, attached, most likely to someone else. be it a friend, or family member, or a lover. and when i am connected, i feel safe, secure, confident, untouchable!
anytime i read Scripture, i notice something. something i never noticed as a kid. God feels. alot. God is full of emotion. God hates. God gets angry. God hurts. God once even called His bride a ‘whore.’ whatever it was…ticked Him off. God also loves. and there are things that give Him joy. i’m pretty sure God has been to ‘the emotion gods conference.’ pretty sure maybe He is even the chair of the committee.
i am beginning to see that we are designed very uniquely. to feel. and how we feel. and what’s involved. brain activity. hormones. nerves. thoughts. behavior. action. certain responses to certain behavior and actions. and how feeling and emotion is all about connection.
it’s almost as if God designed us this way…so that…we could connect with Him.
i imagine God does get nervous. over me. i imagine He dances over me as well. i imagine God even calls me a whore at times. because at times i do pursue other lovers other than Him. but that’s the thing. i know He desires that connection. because He pursues me. if ever God does get that angry, what lies underneath is hurt. all because He longs to connect with me. so, He chases me. i love being chased. i also love being caught.
i’ve been to ‘the emotion gods conference.’ i go every year. one time at the conference, i was told this:
“if ever you hurt, imagine God hurting as well. if you get angry, picture God angry. if you love, picture God loving too. and if you ever get nervous over someone, look at it this way…that’s how God feels over you!”
Well first I would say that was a very well thought out posting. I love how you were able to see the connection between the experience of emotion and its role in relationships. From my personal experiences, I have found that the more emotion that is safe and encouraged to be expressed, the closer the relationship: hints the counselor/client connection. In my wonderfully dysfunctional family there is naturally an abundance of emotion that can be pulled from. I have always found it ironic that, although we are all crazy (my family) we are equally close. We have allowed the door to be open for healing as we openly express what has happened and how we each individually processed it. This is what has surprised me in the typical “Christian” families I have come to know. As one (being me, a first generation follower) would expect, these Christ-centered families are even more connected through their emotions. But, as I have painfully learned, that is not always the case. It seems that following Christ has lead some to believe that the human experience is not one that should be shared, but rather repented for and pushed down…how sad that some are not experiencing the freedom that comes from being honest with yourself and in turn being able to be honest with those around you, thus creating a relationship that is built from the deepest parts of a person…that’s a beautiful thing.
Good expression Drew…I love that you can share your experiences in such an articulate and emotion filled way.
I think God put a lot of consideration into our makeup, and how we feel emotion. And He being the ‘lover of our soul’ is jealous that we ‘connect’ with him. He wants the same as any lover does, to know our deepest thoughts, and emotions. And whats so neat about this is, He understands our emotions already, He designed us that way. We can go to him with anything, with everything. He always listens to us, always knows just the right thing to say. You never leave His presence, the same as you arrived. He is a friend, closer than a brother.
Oh my goodness. This made me laugh…and cry. I completely identified with what you said about your class making you feel safe and connected. It’s beautiful. Todd Frye should be so proud of you and the emotion-based approach you are developing.
I love you, Drew.